Vicious Circle

and so it turns out weird things have been happening for last coupla weeks as they usually do. The not so accepted happenings have a tendency to resurface every now and then. Obstinate as they are, as much as i try i cant dissuade myself from falling prey to so called nuances. In fact i have come to a conclusion that they are an inseparable part of the purple madhouse my mind has become. When did this happen i cant recall. It doesnt matter anyway. And thats one of the most frequently occurring thoughts in my mind which can be traced back to the same nuances it originated from and now continues to feed them. vicious circle. I read this word first time in a standard 6 or 7 civics lesson about poverty and overpopulation. It spoke very naively of how the both are spun together in a vicious cycle. I did not make a lot of sense out of it then. I do understand it now but i fail to comprehend the nature of my own thoughts now. Its the vicious cycle that has always troubled me.

Under the influence of cheap roadside food and whiskey i have become quite used to a kind of life that seems to be taking me nowhere. There are moments of realization and inseparably bound to them sharp pangs of what i could have done and did not do to land up in a better place. But then "it doesn't matter anyway". The only thing that keeps me going is the sharp observation power i have developed or as the skeptics would say blessed with. Skeptic, that reminds me of the close affinity i think romantics and skeptics have. mind with its own sweet temperament makes choices which it has either nurtured or angrily fought against over the years. In either case the choices are too deeply ingrained. It is of no surprise then why impulsive behavior is either glorified by the romantics or ridiculed in its skin by the skeptics. "It doesn't matter because the skeptics are more often than not romantics worn out with age , time and decisions their mind has made. Vicious circle yet again. You never cease to trouble and fascinate me.